FORGIVING OTHERS

Welcome to Women of Valour which is about

YOU

experiencing your freedom in Christ, being set free,

experiencing the love of God, and opening your blinded eyes

Isaiah 61:1

 

You are forgiven! You are loved! You are accepted! You are significant! Now choose to forgive others. You are not a victim of or to your past. You are not a result of what others have/have not done to you or what you have done to yourself. You can continue to blame them or put your big girl panties on and do something different. (Doing something different may mean getting professional help. There is no shame in getting help.) You can learn from the mistakes, offenses, pain, etc. Or you can choose to continue the vicious victim cycle. But it is definitely a choice for you to make. It is not based on how you feel about the person but based on your choosing to let the offense go instead of holding onto it. It is poisoning your system whether you believe it or not.  

Remember the definition of forgiveness according to dictionary.com:

1) The act of excusing a mistake or offense.

2) Compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.

My definition is "letting yourself out of prison".

I understand now that Forgiveness = Freedom.

  



When we refuse to forgive others that have hurt us, we lock ourselves in a prison. We believe that we are protecting ourselves. But in reality and truth we are locking the hurt, pain, and offense inside. We are not allowing the wound to heal by rehearsing it over and over again. When we do this it is like picking at and taking off a newly formed scab on a wound. The more you pick at it; the more it is NOT going to heal. There are things happening beneath the surface with the skin, blood cells, etc. There are things happening beneath the surface within your mind and heart that says you will never forgive _______ for doing _______ to you. Let yourself out of prison and choose to forgive. Walk out of darkness into the light.

 

It AMAZES me that we want forgiveness for our mistakes and offenses. But we can refuse to forgive others for theirs. Trust me I am talking to myself just as much as I am talking to you. This was and is a BIG one for me. I held REALLY BIG grudges. Your offenses maybe HUGE too. But they are keeping us with a victim mindset instead of a VICTOR mentality. I have been talking to and listening to people talk about the mistake Steve Harvey made by announcing the wrong name at the Miss Universe pageant. Everyone seems to have an opinion: some for him and some against him. But at the end of the day, the people in my circle have no impact on Steve Harvey's life. Forgiving others is the same way sometimes. You are the one that is bound up while the other person(s) does not care or does not know you are offended or hurt by what they did.  

TESTIMONY: Jesus gave HIS life to set you and I free. It can happen at any time. I was riding down the road and the Holy Spirit brought the man to my mind that broke into my house when I was a little girl to rape/molest me. God laid it on my heart to forgive him. This was not hard for me because now I know and understand what forgiveness does for me. I told the Lord that I forgive that man and I began to wonder about his childhood. Was he molested as a child? Did he know the Lord? Has he actually accomplished his task with other little girls? Was he still alive? Then I started praying for him. Lord, if he is still alive and don't know You bring him to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. This brought light to me. I forgave him a while ago but God brought him back to mind a couple of weeks ago.

 

I am learning that when people hurt you it is because they have been hurt and are hurting inside themselves. Even the ones who seem to have it ALL together. There are some VERY nasty attitudes that people can have for no apparent reason. Trust me there are reasons. I can speak on this because I was one with a VERY nasty attitude. I was mad at the world because I had been hurt and no one seemed to care. People cannot believe it when I tell them now. It is because The Holy Spirit has cleaned me up from the inside out and transformed me into someone new. You have to look at what is behind them. They may have been hurt the same way they are hurting you. We are quick to look at actions and not look at the motivation or history of the action and person.

You may ask, "if I forgive them do I have to forget what they have done to me?" The answer is "NO". But if you ask the Lord to heal the wound it will be like the bruise you got when you were 10 years old that you remember when and how you fell off your bike but it does not bring hurt with it anymore. You remember and keep on moving forward instead of consistently looking and walking backward. Even though you fell off the bike and was hurt you also learned to ride the bike eventually. You learn as you forgive more and more. It only takes a step but the first step is a doozy. Your thought process may be: But you don't know what they did to me? Tell God and ask HIM to help you forgive______ for ________.

This is how forgiveness works when you do it; you pass the test. That mean boss may cause you to walk into your destiny. That parent that seems unloving may cause you to walk into your destiny. That wayward child may cause you to walk into your destiny. Our enemy (the devil and ourselves) can and will use any and everything to throw us off course and keep us off course. You can be your own worst enemy. I was my worst enemy for a LONG time. BUT GOD allows and uses the things that will seemingly break us to build us up and make us stronger.

Do you have to tell the person you have forgiven them? No, you do not it is between you and God. Do you have to be BFF's if you choose to forgive? No, you do not. But if you ask God HE can bring about a reconciliation at the right time. You may tell someone you forgive them for ____________ . Their response may be, "what are you talking about" or "I did not do anything to be forgiven for." Initially, I would just talk to God about it. As HE grew me up in my relationship with HIM I was able to confront the persons who I felt had hurt me. There is still more to go but sometimes baby steps. I have forgiven but baby steps with confronting. 

 

TESTIMONY: For most of my life, I believed my Momma did not love me. She was overprotective, overbearing, and a disciplinarian. The weeds I had planted against her was the size of a vast acre of land in my mind. The enemy was having a field day with our chaotic relationship. I was sitting in my own personally designed prison cell where she was concerned. She kept going on about her own way. She did not know the negative thoughts I had against her but God, the enemy, and I did. It would just bother me to talk to her on the phone. I did it out of duty not because I felt like I wanted to. But God changed my heart over the last couple of years based on the prayers of my husband.

God had to show me that there was a part I had played in the scenario of being a victim instead of a victor. I understand our relationship now after many, many years of heartache and pain. I cannot change anyone else and I could not even change me. It took my relationship with Jesus Christ to change me and help me pass the tests of life through forgiveness.

1. I am forgiven so I choose to forgive. (I Peter 2:21, Colossians 3:13)
2. I am loved so I choose to love. (2 Corinthians 12:15)
3. I am accepted so I choose to accept others. (Romans 15:7)
4. I am significant so I choose to treat others as being significant. (Genesis 1:26) 

****************************

 



Prayer:

QUESTIONS:

Are you going to choose to be bitter or better
as you enter into the new year? 

Are you going to choose to be a victim or victor  as you enter into the new year?

I pray something you read touched your heart to walk closer to God. 

Please share a comment or Email me