Guest Blogger: NEVER DOUBT GOD

Welcome to Women of Valour which is about

YOU

experiencing your freedom in Christ, being set free,

experiencing the love of God, and opening your blinded eyes
Isaiah 61: 1

Hello Women of Valour,

This blog was written by Michele Brown one of our own Women of Valour. Please leave a comment! 

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I say that now...

But trust me there was times when I struggled. I didn't doubt God as much as I doubted the process. I had it all figured out in my mind how things should go. Not only did it happen completely different than I thought but timing was way off on many occasions. 

I can remember recently, I had big plans but God had plans and my plans did not align with his. Whose plans prevailed (God's) and that is because HE is in charge of everything and HIS plans are what's best for me. 

Often times, I can confess I stepped out of the will of God because I was a control freak, I had to be in control or so I thought. So God let me do it my way and when it failed and I went crying back to HIM, I apologized, HE forgave me and HIS perfect plan prevailed. It was just delayed because of my defiant behavior. It always goes so much smoother, when I let MY Father take control. 

Can anybody relate? Keep reading...

I was recently confronted with some not so good memories. The loss of a few people real near and dear to me. At the passing of each, I refused to cry or let any emotions flow, because I had to be strong and in control. On the surface it looked like I had it all together. Then the bomb dropped. I came home from work and saw on channel 13, Myrt Howerton. (She was my friend.) I laughed with my daughter saying what has Myrt done now? News came back on just to say...

 "Myrt Howerton dead at 59". 

What, how, it must be some mistake. I just talked to her a few days ago. Tears began to flow like Niagara Falls. I couldn't hold them back I had no, I mean NO control. The cry was even hysterical and snotty. Kleenex couldn't get in my hands fast enough. Every time, I thought about it I cried almost to the point of hyperventilating. 

Grief can take us some places we don't necessarily want to go! Keep reading...

Once I got some composure I wrote a poem to her to help relieve my grief. Weeks passed and periodically I would just start to cry. I finally talked to my sister who thought I needed counseling for suppressed  grief. I sought help at the Renaissance Center and had the best counselor in the world. The healing process could be felt after 6 weeks. I could now reflect back on my being in control and how I suppressed my  pain due to losses from death and relationships. 

Over and over I was able to see how if I had only placed things in the Master's hand it would have turned out differently for me. Yep it would have still hurt when my first real love died, my mother and father, but if I hadn't thought I was superwoman instead of trusting God I would have dealt with my emotions and heartaches immediately. Instead of burying them all and having a resurrection of sad memories erupt like a volcano when I least expected it. 

The uncontrollable emotions were being exposed as if I were on a bill board with super bright florescent colors. On the most sunny day of the summer, yes God allowed my weakness to be revealed. This was done  so I could lean on HIM and be healed. Yes, it was devastating BUT God knew what I needed and HIS timing is always perfect. I knew God wanted what was best for me and wanted me to relinquish my cares to HIM and let HIM lead me. 

Good News: 
I am no longer bottling up every emotion God gave me! But instead I am able to smile over the fond memories of those who I lost. I still cry occasionally when I really miss them. 

Just to think God took someone who kept me 

grounded and laughing to break me down 

so HE could build me up. 

What an awesome God I Serve! Have a Jesus Joy Day and let God be your strength!

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Prayer: Holy Spirit, allow ALL of us to see as you have shown Michele that You are the GOD who builds us up in the midst of our struggles and pain. In Jesus Name. Amen!

Questions:

Have you been the control freak who has to control EVERYTHING?

If yes, how do you identify with what Michele shared?